Wednesday, 15 November 2017

I hate Christmas

Over consumption, too much food. People we don't want to see. That's Christmas.
I never liked Christmas, not even as a kid. I knew even then it was a load of crap. 
People where rotten all year, then at December they purged their guilt and tried to be nice for a few days,  but It didn't work. 
Not even those crappy presents did much. 
Christmas was about being with people we didn't see often, saying how wonderful everything was, when it wasn't. We  had to buy  presents , but no one knew what we wanted so most ended up as garbage.
Then we stuffed ourselves on way too much food, no wonder diabetes and heart attacks followed. 
The worst thing is all the shopping. The biggest winners are Westfields  and supermarkets.  The biggest loser is the environment. We are destroying the planet !!!! We don't need to buy all this rubbish,  or the food that's bad for our health. Hello obesity. Does anyone think of those millions of low paid workers in Asia working for peanuts ? Enslaved by our selfishness and false sense of self importance? Don't they deserve some respect ? Oh no ... They are invisible, they're in a foreign country, they're not our responsibility.....maybe not legally , but morally they sure are. Speaking of morals - where are they ? Christmas is so divorced from any religious meaning anyway, in a world that's more diverse and atheist. We have deluded ourselves .
They say Christmas is for kids, but tradition is reinforcing bad habits. If you're single with no kids, Christmas is not inclusive. It's a time that reinforces conservative roles that in reality are diluted. 
On a personal level, we're obligated to see or spend time with people who we don't want to. It's awkward trying to pretend we care when we don't. It's this forced energy we go along with. 
I think the best thing to do at Christmas is to see only those we truly want to. To have an honest conversation about what this all means to us...to do a yearly workshop , a reality check. 
The closest thing to Santa Clause in my life is catching up with my ex boyfriends from years ago who used to look like porn stars .... Now they are old , grey fat with pot bellies - so they look like Santa Claus ... A bit like me !!!! 

Saturday, 4 November 2017

Nothing is something

Nothing is something, it means many things.
To accept nothing is to control our ego, yet it feels like a loss. 
No one praises nothing, we never congratulate someone who has no plans or connections.
But sometimes nothing is the best thing to be or do. 
Nothing goes against the grain of development. 
If anything nothing may be politically left, than right wing. 
Those who do nothing are called leeches on society, but that could be due to lack of opportunity.   . We see nothing as lazy, but sometimes we just need a break from 24/7.
Doing nothing is seen as giving up or giving in. 
Yet doing nothing can also be a sign of  passive rebellion, the message being - 
I don't believe in all this and I will disengage. 
Nothing is the opposite of everything, it's not filled with frantic actions, addictions, consumptions, which are not good for ourselves or the environment. 
We are so afraid of nothing, constantly harking eachother every day, to  justify our existence 
With our questions and expectations of , what are you doing, what do you have ? 
But nothing is a void of  silent empty space that's hard to face . 
Our souls sometimes need to stop and do nothing , to ponder or reflect in silence . 
To be calm we need to stop our crazy mind and think of nothing. 
Though invisible , nothing is really something because it is of deep value. 
Illness forces us to do nothing. Maybe death is the ultimate nothing ?
Nothing is not God, nor atheist. Those are something. 
We are rarely happy with nothing , but deeply empowered by being at peace with nothing .
Nothing means things we want  but don't have like succes or relationships , so this longing , this needing creates so much pain and anguish. 
Nothing is always there . 

Monday, 11 September 2017

Male Menopause.

When we hear Menopause, we think of women, but it's also a male thing too. I've been going through this  for several years. I believe male  menopause is more a physical thing, and mid life crisis is more a social condition. They are both entwined and experienced at the same time. The last thing on my mind was male menopause, it slowly crept up.  It's a condition no one anticipates or plans for. We don't deny it cause it's not acknowledged 
I'm 51 now. Looking back the first sign started 15 years ago, when my career in fashion industry was at a high. I was crazy busy , pushing myself to the maximum. My body had its limits. Until 36 I had no problems sleeping , you couldn't get me to wake up. Then the stress set in. I had problems getting to sleep and staying asleep. 
It was my body saying hey this is too much, but also that was my peak. 
At the same time my libido was struck. I had problems with getting and maintaining erections. Again due to stress my body sent a message. Looking back, if I wasn't so stressed those events would have been delayed by several years. 
As the years rolled on, I found I had less energy and strength. I used to go to the gym, do yoga, run the 4km in 30 minutes around centennial park. Those where my porn star years. 
But after 45, things changed . I simply didn't have the physical drive , my body was saying no, it said stop pushing me. My ego was saying one thing, my body had other plans. 
I was eating more due to less energy and exercising less. I became more plump, round. I was looking like a frumpy grumpy middle aged person. Welcome male menopause. 
I went from being a hot stud chased down the street to become a sacred cow that the public was shoeing away. Not nice. 
Male menopause is also connected to gravity. What goes up - our looks, stamina, energy , persistence, with time comes down or simply disappears.
It's also a welcome to mid life. I've realised fighting is not the way to go. 
When we hear the word menopause we think of frustrated middle aged women fighting the biological clock, rushing to have children at the last moment before their menstral cycle finishes. 
How about middle aged men wanting to have children ? I assumed being a man I can choose to have children naturally when ever I'm ready. I'm not physically comprimised the way females are, I will be ok.  I was wrong. This was hard to accept. 
Male menopause is all about physical limitations imposed by time and our denial to accept it. 
went to the IVF clinic , had my sperm tested, they said it was pretty good for my age. 
The amount of people who want to have children with a guy almost 50 is greatly diminished.
Your chances are as slim as a menopausal female. 
 Why have kids with a 48 year old, when there are guys 20s or 30s instead ? 
So my dick isn't as hard, I dont cum as much, I'm not as motivated , my tits and arse are starting to sag, my waist is ballooning . My friends are on Viagra or getting facelifts, but look like plastic dummies. Others do liposuction, only to put the fat back on. I just want to retreat at home watch tv while I eat another box of biscuits. Im lazy and feel crap. Male menopause is not my friend but a partner that's here to stay. 
What's the solution? 
Stop acting like a 30 year old, and don't give up. Go slow, but keep going. 
Eliminate as much stress as possible. It's poison to health, our bodies and minds can't take it. 
At 50 we our bodies can't cope with the drug taking, smoking, drinking , bad diets, partying . 
This is our chance to start acting responsibly, with acceptance and dignity. The secret is too look like you're living it up, but to do it in a low key way. Why run a marathon if you end up having a heart attack ? Why have 5 drinks tonight when really 2 is all your body can cope with nowadays . Why eat burgers and fries when you can't loose weight ? It's about low impact sustainable living. 
If you don't have the energy to go to the gym, go for long fast paced walks instead. 
On a fashion level. It's ok to dress 10 years younger, but please stop dressing like you've stolen your sons clothes. There's nothing more embarrassing  seeing these old out of shape guys dressing like teenagers . They look like like sausages. Wearing tight kids clothes .  . When ever I see these guys I think ....they're in denial.  
Fast hard impact living is replaced by slow thoughtful sustainable actions. 
Don't give up. It's worse. I have all these male friends in their early 50s who used to be physically stunning. They had 6pak stomachs , now they look like Santa Clause. They look sad. You know that look, they've given up. They stopped making the effort now they're miserable, and won't be around for ever. 

Friday, 10 March 2017

Joy Hruby. A wonderful lady.

This story is about my experiences with Joy Hruby. 
I met Joy in 2001, I was studying film and media production. As a student needing work experience. 
community TV was a good option . Channel 31 in those days was  an  obscure channel people used to get without knowing what it was. The signal was weak or unreliable, reception was limited  to residents here and there . 
Community TV was around in Redfern since 1988. 
My dream was to be on TV. I enquired about CTV1, an underfunded grass roots set up. I had to find a program to work on that wanted me. 
Joys show " Around the world with Joy Hruby " was filmed on a Tuesday night. I remembered turning up to what was a mixed bag of odd people a cross between a pantomime and crisis centre. Being community TV means everyone was working for free, it served as a training ground for aspiring TV presenters or crew to eventually make their way into the mainstream. Until then I was doing extras work on  All Saints or Home and Away.
There was this crazy but endearing energy on the set of what was a storage space in the basement of the housing commission towers at Redfern. You couldn't get any more grass roots than this. 
I met Joy , she was this sweet wonderful lovely warm old Aussie lady from a bygone era. A tiny bit of a theatrical diva, Joy was a cross between Dame Edna and Gloria Swanson. Always calm and poised Joy spoke The Queens English in eloquent style ! 
I immediately felt liked and accepted. Joy later said when we met she wasn't sure but she gave me a go anyway. Joys attitude of giving people a go launched many careers, it also gave purpose to the idle , disadvantaged, or those like me starting out. 
There was a deep sense of community and connection between everyone, completely different people made instant friendships . 
From the beginning Joy allowed me to produce and present my own weekly 6 minute segment. 
For someone who was doing a media film course this was a huge break in humble circumstances. 
For several years I would find / organise guests  while pitching the ideas to Joy, then with her guidance interview them on the show . This was broadcast live to the local residents, that was CTV1, then put on a tape to be dropped off to channel 31 to be broadcast to the Sydney area as well. 
Joy was many things , she was the producer, director and star of her own show, but she also shared the spotlight with others. Every week she offered advice on how to present, or tips to improve  interviewing skills . This was an incubation of better things to come. For several years I cut my teeth, 
But at the same time enjoyed it. 
2002 after 9/11 was a turbulent time politically . Looking back now,  it was incredible to note that all those different independently produced shows by various radical groups , most with an agenda to push - where not censored , while at the same time there where a growing number of viewers watching  . There where anti everything shows. Anti Israel, anti establishment, anti corporate etc. there where shows that where pro anything the government objected to. So the plug was pulled. 
Community was shut down for a while, then the licence was put out to Tender. 
The new community station was TVS , that's Television Sydney, part of Sydney western universality campus based out at Penrith. TVS had new management but also involved many from the original channel 31.  Joy was on the new board . She pushed hard for me to have my own show, based on the fact I had 4 years experience on her show. The new board agreed on the condition it was to be a Greek Cooking Show !!!!  Joy had a huge influence on my life . 
Working with other students from film school we made a pilot show, which was approved by TVS, 
Then I did one 13 part series of a highly successful Greek Cooking show called "Greek Style " 
This TV series was then picked up by community TV channels in Melbourne, Brisbane , Adelaide and Perth. This was the most exciting era of my life. From the most humble beginnings I became a successful tv producer, presenter and celebrity ! 
All along Joy was supportive. Her show became a star factory, many of her presenters went on to create their own shows. This was a wonderful time for many including the grateful public who had access to real people creating independent shows, with no budget, no corporate or political interference . Joy was the proud mother hen. Her ugly ducklings became the new generation of black swans. 
In the meantime for 7 years I made lifestyle show " Yianni's City Life " a mix of cooking, interviews , fashion and events. In 2010 my show was in the best lifestyle program category in the Logies .
Joy continued to do her show in Botany, it was filmed in the garage of her tiny townhouse . As Joy grew elderly she allowed others to do more for her. There was a loyal group of presenters and crew who in the end took over. 
The only time I saw Joy angry was during the battle to stop the closure of community TV.
The enemy was the then communications minister Malcolm Turnball. He decided it was time for community TV to be online only ! 
How can it be TV if its not on TV ? Unfortunately the spectrum was sold to Optus and Telstra for billions of dollars...this was a sad end to a great era of broadcast community free to air tv. 
Through crowd funding Joy raised several thousands of $$$, this enabled her to keep producing her show for You Tube.  
Joy became frail at but was always in good spirits, deeply religious yet non judgemental. I remember once years ago mentioning how bitter some people become with time. Joys respond was "that's the easy way out " Joy kept herself busy, there where many people around her because she was this loving mother , aunt, or Grandmother figure . Joys children and their kids are equally similar. 
In the last few years Joy went into a nursing home, the first one " Sir Joseph Banks " around the corner from her home , Joy was able come home  every day for several hours . Then Joy got a spot at a very nice place at Rushcutters Bay -Elizabeth Lodge. There she had her own room with a pleasant view, the atmosphere there was happy. I visited Joy twice. About a week before Joy passed away I just had this feeling to see her. I popped in at lunch time, in the dining room , we sat together and ate a meal.  
Mentally Joy was in fine , we had in depth conversation, but she did look weak. Joy was planning her 90th birthday for Saturday July 1st 2017. 
Joys funeral at Maroubra was the happiest one I've ever experienced. I am Greek Orthodox and our funerals are so depressing ! Yes we where sad - but the day was a true celebration of a great person who lived more than most. Joy was well prepared for her departure she pre made a video dressed as an angle talking to us from heaven. The church was packed , then we all headed to the Yarra bay sailing club near her original home at La Perouse for the most Joy-us wake ! 
Joy Hruby thanks for the great memories - see you in heaven one day ! Hugs 
Yianni Zinonos 



Sunday, 7 August 2016

Sydney's future a Traffic Nightmare.

TSaturday 6th of August 2016, was the day of no turning back. It confirmed my future living Sydney is not going to be good. I spent most of the day stuck in traffic I've never seen so bad, yet I was only travelling short distances. Congestion I've never seen so bad. Despite taking multiple back street secret short cuts, everything lead to another pile up. I know this is only a taste of what's to come for all of us wanting to get from A to B. 
The first drive was from Kingsford to Newtown. When there's no traffic, it can take 15 minutes, yesterday it took 25. That wasn't so bad, but then dropping a friend from Newtown to AFL game at fox studios was another story, it took at least 40 minutes. It seemed everyone was out yesterday. You could of walked it. Every main road in both directions was one big slow moving car park. Welcome to the new normal. It took another 20 minutes to get to crown Str Surry hills to meet a friend for what turned out to be a very late lunch , then another 45 minutes to get from Surry hills back home to Kingsford near Kensington... Most of those 7 hours was spent in traffic driving short distances.
Living in Sydney is only going to get more unpleasant for all of us. Why bother leaving the house ? 
Maybe we need to do things locally, and plan only to travel, when we know there's no events on. 
This is what real estate agents won't tell you, and what we try not to think about . 
Adding to the problem is the light rail construction , which I think will be even worse when it finished.
If each Tram will really be 68 meters long, how will anyone be able to cross any Str in its path ? 
Where will we park if 700 parking spots are gone ? 
Yes everyone wants to live in Sydney , but the more apartments being built will only collectively lower
The standard of living for those already here like me !!!! 
Sydney may be set for a population boom of millions , but it won't be pleasant in many ways. 
There's very little we can do, especially with a Liberal state government hell bent on development 
With little social engagement. We will end up like London, silently packed like ants, exhausted , 
Begrudged by "growth " . Even the wealthy will suffer. 
Maybe in the future , leaving the tiny apartments we live  in will be done as avatars? We will leave
The house on a cyber level , not a physical one ? We might all be working from home online ?
Maybe when we need a doctor we will self care via you tube instructions video link ? 
Our food and meals delivered by drones ? Our social contacts will be on Skype ? 
Can't handle the traffic. 
Welcome to Cyber Sydney ! 


Sunday, 31 May 2015

Gay marriage is important- but it's not for everyone.

As you may know I'm gay, out and proud. I'm happy with progress made on gay marriage lately, but most gay people I know aren't interested in getting married, though we want the legal option. 
Our laws are an international embarrassment, even lagging behind New Zealand. 
This hot issue is contested as political football everyday. Interestingly the Liberal prime minister 
Tony Abbott doesn't approve of, though his sister is Gay. As an ex liberal party branch member, I ran twice as a local government political candidate, I can tell you the Liberal Party has the greatest concentration of gay members than any other party. Hypocrasy is everywhere on this issue. 
Most of my gay friends, single or in relationships don't want to make the full legal commitment, they're just happy the way they are. Gay people have become as conservative as those they seek acceptance from. We want husbands, kids, mortgages, and suburban living while others arent kidding themselves by the white wedding while being in open relationships at the same time. This is an issue the mainstream community can't confront gay marriage seekers on because questioning the morality of minority groups is seen as a judgemental attack. Most committed gay relationships are not monogamous, that's the only way they stay together ! 
In the main stream, gay marriage will be big business for the wedding industry and divorce lawyers .  
I'm personally above wanting to walk down the isle of a church. I don't need to ask for God's acceptance, he may not exist ! Though I do believe Jesus was gay friendly.
Forcing churches or religions to accept us is like begging an abuser to be your friend, these institutions  become redundant in time anyway with their prejudice ways. 
Getting married also ties people up legally and financially in ways people are content to do without.
How many people end up in divorce ? How painful and expensive is that.
People ask if I will ever get married, but I can't even organise a date ! 
Equality is important, it will mean we can all be, for better or worse in the same box. 




Friday, 29 May 2015

The Cinderella Complex. Why are we still single ?

There have never been so many single people. I'm one of them, with lots of experience ! 
Being single is like being unemployed. The longer you're out of the relationship market, 
the harder it is to get back in there. Potential partners are suspicious of dating someone who's been single for too long. Why would they date us if one no one else does ? Do we have hidden problems? 
There's many great things about being single we refuse to acknowledge, such as our freedom to 
do what we want, when we want etc, also not having to be responsible for others, but most 
single people always feel this deep longing for some one special. From the day we're born, 
marriage and romance are drummed into us. If we're not committed there's something 
seriously wrong with us. Now in the era of marriage equality this even applies to 
gay people too ! I personally believe many of us enjoy being single to the point we won't give 
it up unless someone special comes along, but our standards and expectations of each 
other are so high, that person doesn't exist or they don't want us. On a financial and practical level
most singles manage well, we want a partner for the company and to fill our hearts. 
When we're young, attractive, energetic, hopeful and horny, we make a go if it, and so do others 
in return. Guided by our quest for mr or miss right, we search and search. My advice to the young 
just starting out is to get into relationships as early as possible, because the young are 
still adaptable, get used to sharing, learn to  put up with other people etc. 
With romance or relationships luck is on youths side. 
Down track,  if single for too long, we become set in our ways, picky, fussy, like a shopper who can't make up their mind what to purchase. We may act like consumers but upsetingly be seen as undesirable products by those we seek. 
No matter how young at heart we are, time does terrible things to us, we become tired, neurotic, unattractive. We may wish for love but stop making the effort. 
One the biggest reasons middle aged people are still single is because we won't settle for some one our equal, I don't want to be with another average, frumpy, difficult person like me !!!!
The mirror we can't face is a confronting one, so we fantasise about some one attractive, younger, who will love us the way we are...well unless we're famous, powerful, generously wealthy, the chances are slimmer as we become fatter.... 
Everyday online I get approached by people wanting to date me, but when I look at them, I think are you kidding ? You're awful. How dare they even think I would be interested in them, and the same happens to me when I message people who block me, never get back, or just say "You're not my type."  Our souls become fragile. It's easy reject others but being rejected hurts. The singles scene is draining, it does my head in. Everyone is told to look for love online, but there's no romance or conversations, dating sites feel like online shopping. Many people are shy or private, they don't enjoy  putting their pictures or personal details up online trying to publicly hock themselves off like a used car.
There's so much pressure to be in a relationship. Everyone keeps asking, it's so annoying. We're made
to feel incomplete unless we're committed. Society favours the married, yet too many people are divorced. At least they give it a go.
If you're young and attractive, you don't have to want anyone, because everyone wants you, but if you're older, average looking and hungry for love, it seems a turn off to everyone in general. 
Society or the tax department doesn't favour single people. It's all about the mums and dads with
their kids, like they've gone to battle, they've made the ultimate sacrifice, they're more respected.
The ageing singles are silently overlooked, stockpiled on a shelf somewhere, invisible. 
Single people, aren't celebrated. We don't have national singles weeks. If single people said on TV how great it's to be on "their own" no one would listen, singles are seen as selfish, or not accepted amongst traditional family structures, we feel left out or are a threat to couples, we may try to snatch or break up the committed. Being single is a social crime. No wonder people withdraw. 
If we're single for too long, we set up our lives, homes, finances, it becomes harder to let someone in.
We worry about our security, what if they have nothing to contribute ? Will be be taken advantage of?
So we turn to chocolate, or booze to smooth our weary souls. 
I hope I meet the right person before I'm too fat, grey, old and bald.